Satire: Feminists Decry Lack of Riots After UConn Women Victory
Posted on April 9, 2014
Feminist leaders voiced concerned about the subdued reaction after the University of Connecticut Female basketball team beat the University of Notre Dame in the women’s basketball championship last night.
The day before, violence erupted on the UConn campus after the men’s team won the male version of the college basketball championship.
“Where were our riots? Where were our burned cars? Where was our tear gas?” one female Husky fan complained. “Why do the men get all of the attention?”
A day after Barack Obama declared that he would fight for equal pay for all women who work in the federal government (excluding the White House), analysts cite the lack of a riot as a serious sign of gender discrimination.
Gloria Steinem, the Octogenerian feminist leader, said, “In the 1960’s we burned our bras. It shows you how far we haven’t gone, when in 2014, nobody bothers to burn a car after a big victory. It’s just sad.”
Eric Holder, the Attorney General, promised to launch an investigation into the tactics used by the University of Connecticut Administration and the UConn campus police to dissuade fans from rioting after the women’s victory. “People have a right to riot in this country. As I read the First Amendment, it pretty clearly states that folks have the right to turn over cars and otherwise cause mayhem after your team wins the NCAA basketball tournament. If the sexist and racist administrators at the University did something to clamp down on that right to riot, we will come down on them like a ton of bricks.”
Holder’s Justice Department allegedly helped to fund some protests in the aftermath of the George Zimmerman trial, so he has deep experience in riot promotion.
In the aftermath of the men’s victory, both UConn and Kentucky’s campuses erupted into full-fledged mayhem. Nobody expected the Notre Dame campus to follow suit, because, well, nobody thought that the Administrators in South Bend would put up with that kind of crap. But experts say that the fact that UConn campus stayed calm after the Husky women beat the Irish is a pretty clear sign of wide-spread gender discrimination.
“Same campus. Same hoodlums. Same students. But not the same reaction. You tell me why? It’s clear. People just don’t care about women’s basketball as much as they care about men’s basketball. And that attitude has to change and it has to change now,” one feminist leader told the Feehery Theory this morning.