John Feehery: Speaking Engagements

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What Mitt Should Have Said

Posted on June 3, 2011
It is great to be here in New Hampshire.

I am not going to kid you. I need to win New Hampshire if I have any chance of winning the nomination to be President.

I have no chance in Iowa. Believe me. I know. Those folks hate me. I sprinkled that state with millions of dollars the last time I ran, and they weren’t buying what I was selling.

So, I have to win here.

I am not going to pull a Guiliani and wait until Florida. What an idiot! I hear he is back up here, nosing around. I hope Rudy runs. I hope he brings his third wife too. That plays well with the family values crowd.

I hear Sarah Palin is visiting the state too. I really hope she runs. She will get all of those tea-party votes that I will never get. I would rather she split the crazy vote so Pawlenty doesn’t win.

The Tea Party doesn’t like me very much. Well, screw ‘em. These guys don’t have the balls to call themselves Republican anymore. Most of these Tea Party organizations are run by flim-flam artists who are trying to find get rich quick schemes.

I hear Dick Armey doesn’t like me either. Why should I give one hoot what Dick Armey thinks. Talk about a has-been. He was so shifty when he served in the Congress, even Newt Gingrich couldn’t trust him.

Dick Armey is one of those armchair quarterbacks who left public service so he could make millions of dollars scaring the heck out of people so they give him money.

Are you all tired of being played like a fool? Don’t you think we need some common-sense leadership in the country?

I am pretty conservative. I am not the most conservative guy out there, but I am pretty conservative. You can’t be a right-winger and win in Massachusetts. If you don’t believe me, ask Scott Brown, who is doing a heck of job, by the way.

When Scottie says that he wouldn’t vote for the Paul Ryan Medicare plan, well, I don’t blame him. It won’t sell in the Bay State. Seniors get too freaked out over Medicare.

But we have to do something about Medicare and about health care in this country. Now, some of my conservative friends think that we should just get rid of all government interference in the health market place.

Yep, the free market. That solves all of the problems, if you are healthy and under the age of 50. It gets a little more complicated, though, when you get sick or when you get old. Health care is too expensive, and the marketplace only works so well.

Sorry, I hate to be realistic about this. Now, what I tried in Massachusetts wasn’t perfect. But it was a start. I think it could be changed, and I am a little embarrassed the President based his national plan on my state plan, but, hey at least I tried.

People need health care. It is immoral to say that as a society, we should just let people fend for themselves. We are our brother’s keeper. That’s from the Bible, and not the Mormon bible.

Now, some of you may have a problem with my religion. But you can’t quibble with my religion’s results. Mormons do very well. We are healthier than the general population. You may think our theology is crazy, but have you taken a close look at the underpinnings of your own religion lately? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Another biblical reference.

I came from a wealthy family. My dad was rich, and he helped make me rich. But he didn’t start rich. He worked hard his whole life, and he earned every dime he made. Me? Not so much, but I appreciate the value of hard work. And I have worked hard to take what my dad gave me and to make more of it.

That’s the American dream, baby. And that is what is slipping away from us. It is far too easy to say that Barack Obama is to blame for all of the problems that face this nation. But he isn’t.

Democrats like to blame George Bush, but it wasn’t all his fault either.

Let’s face it, for far too long, too many Americans have tried to live beyond their means, spurred on by easy credit and low expectations. That is why we are in the pickle that we are. We are all broke and we have nobody to blame but ourselves.

But instead of blaming ourselves, we blame the politicians. But we elected the politicians, and we get the representation we deserve. And we have voted for politicians who don’t make tough choices, who escape responsibility, and who cast blame on the other side.

I am tired of that kind of politics.

I want to tell you straight up what we have to do.

We have cut to spending by curtailing entitlements or at least by paying for them. We either increase FICA taxes to do pay as you go, or we cap the overall growth of the program.

We have to deal with the stunning gap between the very rich and the very poor. My friends at the country club can afford to pay more for their government. And poor people have to take responsibility for their lives. I have a simple suggestion for that. Anybody on welfare must take a drug test. If they fail the drug test, they get no welfare and they have to be committed to a treatment center, where they don’t leave until they get clean.

We have to have shared sacrifice across all government programs. Sure, we should lower the corporate tax rate, or better yet get rid of it, but my CEO buddies should pay more in taxes. And we can’t long afford to live in country where more than half the citizens pay nothing in taxes. Everybody has to contribute. Everybody!

We are going to take some of that money and invest in a new University system. Every state will get a new college and they will be cheap and they will embrace the middle class.

Middle class parents are getting screwed, and it is time that the screwing stop.

Students shouldn’t have to take out a mortgage to finance their college career and then find that they can’t find a job to pay back the loans. It is not fair to them and it has to stop.

I believe that America kicks butt. We are better than China. I have been there and they don’t scare me at all. That being said, we sure owe them a lot of money. That is not just our problem. It is also their problem. So, we have to find a way to work with them so they spend more and we spend less. There are plenty of ways we can do that. We should get to work now.

Any way, I am Mitt Romney, and I am running for President. Many of you don’t like me very much, and maybe if you got to know me better, you would like me even less.

But I have a plan to make this country better, and the plan starts first with common-sense. God knows we all need more common-sense in this world. I am going to run my campaign based on it.