John Feehery: Speaking Engagements

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Normal Guy

Posted on August 26, 2008

Obama To Democrats:  “I am just a normal guy”



  (Denver, CO)  Senator Barack Obama today accepted the Presidential nomination of the Democratic Party with a plaintive cry to reassure nervous voters.  “I am really just a normal guy,” he said as many Democrats cheered wildly with tears in their eyes.  The speech served as a bookend to Michelle Obama’s earlier address to convention, where she too reassured voters that Obama is a “pretty normal guy.”



  Here is the speech in its entirety:


 


  Thank you my fellow Democrats and thank you for the trust you put in me, Barack Obama, a really normal guy.


 


  Sure, I was born in a manger, but that it pretty normal for a guy like me.  (laughs)


 


  I have normal dreams and aspirations.  It is normal for a guy like me to want to be President.


 


  I had a normal mother from Kansas.  She was born of typical parents.  And I had a pretty normal father from Kenya.  I spent a lot of time growing up in different parts of the world, which seems normal to me.  Indonesia, for example.


 


  I was raised by typical grandparents, mostly, who believed typical things.  Pretty normal, really.


 


  Sure, I have written two books about me and I am only 47, but when you are a guy like me, that is pretty normal.


 


  Like other normal people, when I lived in Chicago, I wanted a bigger house and a bigger yard for my family.  So I called my good friend, Uncle Tony, and he helped me take care of it.  Believe me, that is the way to go if you are a normal person.


 


  When I moved to the South Side of Chicago, I joined a church, and I met a nice old man who was the church’s pastor.  He helped bring me to Christ, and he helped me marry my wife.  Normal stuff, really. 


 


  And when it became clear that this pastor, who really was like a father to me, said some things that a lot of people didn’t like, well I decided to leave the church.  I think that is a normal reaction, don’t you?


 


  And when I was living on the South Side of Chicago, I met some very interesting and exciting people.  When I told this one couple that I was interested in running for the State Senate, they were nice enough to have a fundraiser for me at their house.


 


  These people were so interesting, that I worked together with them on many interesting projects.


 


  They seemed pretty normal to me.  Of course, I later learned that they had actually bombed the Pentagon, and had been fugitives from justice.  I don’t like to talk about them any more, which I think is a pretty normal reaction.


 


  When I decided to run for the Senate, I had a pretty normal run.  One of the guys I ran against in the primary had to drop out because of a nasty divorce, and the top Republican had to drop out because he had a nasty divorce.  So I basically was able to walk into this Senate seat because of nasty divorces, which is really pretty normal.


 


  And so when I got to the Senate, I naturally thought about running for President, because, let’s face it, that is what any normal person in the Senate would do.


 


  And as I surveyed the scene, I decided not to spend any time doing any real Senate work.  For example, when I was the Chairman of a key subcommittee on Foreign Affairs, I decided not to have any hearings.  Hearings are a waste of time.  Any normal person knows that.


 


  Instead, I decided to focus on being President, and I came up with a pretty simple slogan:  Change.  Most normal people want change, so I naturally believed that we should push for change, because, as you know, I am normal.


 


  And so I started talking about change, and people started agreeing with me about change, and I started winning some caucus states and beating my good friend, Hillary Clinton, who is not really that normal.


 


  No normal person would stay married to Bill Clinton for that long a time.  That is not just normal.


 


  And I was able to beat Hillary Clinton because I was more normal than her, which of course isn’t saying much.


 


  And now I got the Democratic nomination to be President.  Yep, I am pretty lucky.  But don’t forget that I am a pretty normal guy.


 


  And that is why I picked another normal guy, Joe Biden, to be my running mate.


 


  Joe has had a normal life, just like me. 


 


  He has been in the United States Senate since he was 30 years old, which really is pretty typical.


 


  Joe talks a lot, which, again, is very typical of a United States Senator.  No surprise there.  Very normal.


 


  And now, Joe and I, two normal guys, are running together to do the normal things that Democrats want to do. 


 


  We want to raise taxes on rich people which, of course is what all normal Democrats want to do. 


 


  And of course, we want to spend more federal tax money on bigger government, because that is what any normal Democrat wants to do.


 


  But this is really normal stuff.  And we are normal people.


 


  Thank you, and good night to all you normal people out there.