John Feehery: Speaking Engagements


Trial Lawyers Form Union

Posted on February 25, 2011
A group of trial lawyers have decided to form a union in order to fight for better pay, fewer hours and better benefits.

Bob Dewey, a spokesman for the lawyers, said: “We saw what the teachers were getting and we said, hey, we want their deal.”

Many trial lawyers are forced to work weekends, many late nights and early mornings. Worse, they may have to cancel or modify their vacations if a client demands it.

George Cheatum, who helped to organize the group, said that lawyers, especially non-partners, often have to look through reams and reams of extraordinarily boring documents, straining their eyes and on occasion, risking paper cuts. “People think that lawyers are a privileged class, but they aren’t. They are the modern version of the blue collar auto worker. They need collective bargaining rights, just like anybody who works for the government.”

According to one insider, this group was especially irritated to hear that many high school teachers had benefits and wages that reached into six figures, but were able to get the summer off, plus two weeks at Christmas, and the many other “breaks” that are in the school year. This source said, “these people don’t have the big law school loans that we have, and look at all the money they are making. We need the power of the union to get us this kind of deal.”

Among the demands of his new union: That law firms will pay for business cards, access to bottled water, and that billable hours would not be divided into less than 10 minute increments.

Terry Howe, who is rumored to be the head of the new union pointed to a new study that showed the harm that the over-competitive legal field has caused society: “Let’s face it. Many of the most oppressed lawyers are just real jerks to be around. They cause a huge amount of negative energy and that negativism is just bad for everyone. We need a union to get help get these guys under control.”

The new union released a manifesto that said the following: “Lawyers of the world unite. We must throw off the chains of bondage that bind us to our desks -- the so-called promise of a ‘partnership’—and be free to live our lives with dignity and happiness. Join the union and let’s get as good a deal as the teachers get.”