John Feehery: Speaking Engagements


Congress to Vote to Ban Office Retreats

Posted on February 5, 2009

Congress to Vote to Ban Retreats


            Embarrassed by revelations that they themselves have taken a work retreat at a fancy spa/hotel, Congressional Democrats announced that they would introduce legislation to ban all retreats by all companies.


            “Retreats are a relic of those terrible Bush years, when the management of companies would gather together and try to build some sort of inflated sense of themselves,” said Speaker Nancy Pelosi.  “We intend to stop this kind of chicanery.”


            When it was discovered that David Obey slipped in a provision exempting Congress from this ban, Claire McCaskill exploded in anger and announced she would amend the legislation with a provision to drop the exemption when it came to the Senate.  “Idiots.  Everybody is an idiot.  Wall Street Bankers are idiots.  Corporate gurus are idiots.  Now, Congress has exposed itself to be full of idiots.  Everybody is an idiot.  I can’t take it anymore!”


            The controversy started when it was discovered that AIG employees took an all-expense paid trip to a fancy resort, soon after getting bailed out by the Federal Government.


            Other similar revelations followed.  Wells Fargo employees planned a trip to Las Vegas for a similar retreat, but they cancelled it before getting thrown in jail by the fun police.              Another planned retreat to the Breakers Hotel was cancelled by another Wall Street firm. 


            Congress expressed outrage at each instance.  But then it was discovered that they too were taking their own retreats, infuriating voters.


            President Obama expressed outrage at all the retreats.  “When I said that we were going to change the tone in Washington, I didn’t mean that we were going to retreat.  There has been too much fun in America, too many people seeking to profit at the expense of their customers, too many good times.  We are going to change that and we are going to change that quickly.  I told Nancy Pelosi to get that retreat ban bill on my desk asap, and I am not kidding this time.”


            Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader who represents Las Vegas, had no immediate comment.


            A spokesman for the American Hotel and Motel Association released the following statement in response:  “Since nobody is coming to our hotels anymore, (for obvious reasons), we are seeking a special bailout of 20 billion dollars to get us through this very difficult time.  We call on President Obama to give us a handout, because he won’t give us a hand up.”

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