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The Final Phase Of Nanny State Completed

Posted on July 30, 2008

 


(Washington DC, 2020) It started with the mandatory use of seat-belts.


 


Congress today completed its final chapter of the nanny state by mandating that each American sleep eight hours a day. 


 


This follows legislation passed by the Congress over the last twenty years designed to protect Americans from themselves.


 


They are, in no particular order:


 


·      Mandatory use of seat-belts and child seats.


·      Mandatory drinking age moved to 21 (amended to move up 27 in 2013, and 35 in 2017)


·      Mandatory use of bike helmets for all bike riders (amended to include Big Wheels and tricycles in 2011)


·      Banning the use of all transfats in all foods (2008).


·      Banning the use of all butter (2011).


·      Banning the use of cheese in conjunction with any meat product (2014).


·      Banning all pork products (2016).


·      Mandate that each adult eat 5 fruits or vegetable a day (2017)


·      Mandate that each adult eat an apple a day (part of the Health Care refom act ---the famous “apple a day keeps the doctor away” provision).


·      Banning all cigarette, cigar or pipe-smoking (2019)


·      Banning all soft drinks, including anything with caffeine, except for any product owned by Coca-Cola. (2012).


·      Mandate that each adult (over the age of 25) drink at least one glass of red wine but not more than 3 glasses a day (2016, but repealed in 2017)


 


The insurance industry is said to be pleased by this effort to keep Americans alive longer.  AAA Insurance CEO N.O. Payout put out this statement, “We believe that Congress has covered pretty much all the bases.  We like to take the risk out risk management.”


 


Chairman of the Board of the powerful Mothers United, Alice Dogooder, said this, “All that we ask is that the American people eat healthy, drink little and get enough sleep.  Oh, and put away your clothes…shoot we need to pass a law on that one too!”


 


Asked if she was alarmed by the migration of most able bodied men to other countries, including Australia and Europe, President Hillary Clinton had this to say, “Good riddance.  If they can’t handle the fact that it takes a village, they are the village idiots.  Not us.”