John Feehery: Speaking Engagements

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All Tied Up

Posted on June 5, 2008

 


“According to a recent Gallup Poll, the number of men who wore ties every day to work last year dropped to a record low of 6%, down from 10% in 2002.”


 


(Washington, D.C. March 15, 2009)  Today, Congress voted to repeal a law that mandated that each man wear a necktie at least 5 times a week, after a huge grass-roots effort to repeal the legislation sparked early action. 


 


            The original tie-wearing mandate was stuck onto an unrelated War Supplemental bill and signed by the President, who was not wearing a tie at the time.


 


            The original legislation was pushed by a coalition of labor union activists, fashion industry mavens, neoconservatives and Christian conservative groups.


 


            Richard Lund, President of the Southern Evangelical Convention, said during the passage of the mandate, “We can mark the decline and fall of American society with failure of people to wear neckties.  The only way we will get God back into our lives is if we mandate that everyone wear a tie.”


 


            Flamboyant fashionista Andrew Wintour said, “I just don’t understand why men don’t wear the ties anymore, the Vulgarians.”


 


            Joey “The Tie” Delgado said at the same press conference, “Hey listen.  I don’t wear a tie myself, but we are losing jobs here.  People need to the right thing and wear some ties.  It’s the least they can do for American jobs.”


 


            A different tack was taken by noted neoconservative Douglas Feist:  “The fact of the matter is that the Iranians don’t allow ties in their country.  If we stop wearing ties in this country, the Iranians win.


 


            The mandate, however, was never popular with the American people.


 


            A coalition to repeal the was founded by I.M. Free, who put together a coalition of West Coast hipsters, stay-at-home dads, internet geeks and insurance salesmen, said in a press conference:  “We should put tie around their necks and string them up.”


 


            A series of YouTube videos showing various Congressmen  getting their necks rung to the beat of Snoop Dog made quite an impression on the Congress, as they scurried to repeal the law.


 


            Congressman David Brier, a sharp dresser and sponsor of the legislation to repeal the law, said:  “Wearing a tie is a personal choice.  We understand that now.  The people have spoken, and apparently, they don’t want to wear a tie.”